It's Quiet Here

I came back to Chateau Brandeau as my last farm for my last days in France. Elly isn't here. Neither is Phil or Eddie of Ana, my new friends since I've arrived. In fact, it's a little too quiet, and as always there is lots of time in the vines...which means lots of time for contemplation. But contemplation makes it sound serene, meditative even. Sometimes it's that, but the most honest description would be a daily a panic attack.

I came to France for a lot of reasons, but if I were going to psycho-analyze myself, I'd say the main reason was that I still felt par-baked after my return from Hawaii. Like whatever had been forming there was close to done, but not quite there. I tried to come back to California and put it all together again last winter, but nothing was quite forming up inside of me and I had to admit that it just wasn't time yet. So I came to France for another adventure, thinking that this time I'd be ready to go back when it was all over. Only now I feel even less confident than before....I'm returning with an even skimpier game plan.

I wish that I could wrap it all up in a neat and tidy arc, or end with some witty and clever thought, but I can't. All I know is that today I leave for Paris for three days and then I fly to New York. After that I have no schedule, no job, no house and no fucking clue.

Carcasonne

After the oh so lovely visit from Eddie and Phil to Aix, they were total sweethearts and gave me a lift back to Bordeuax. It was such a long drive, but Phil had some killer tunes and I rolled along the French countryside listening to Jeff Buckley and Nina Simone. I do need some sugar in my bowl, Nina, yes I do. We stopped for a refresher in Carcasonne. I had no idea that the city was so old and beautiful. It was a wonderful surprize.

I've seen other fortified cities before and they are impressive. But I have to say this one was stunning. It's really huge, a whole little village surrounded in stone walls with tall towers. It made me feel like Sleeping Beauty; I expected a dragon to be perching on the tower behind me and a dashing knight to come rushing to my rescue at any moment.

But of course I did have two dashing heros, my buddies Phil and Eddie. They delivered me to Chateau Brandeau again to have a little work in the vines again before I fly away for the states. Their humor and kindness have saved me many times before on this trip.

I think that Eddie was looking for his Prince Charming in Carcasonne....