Blessed Solitude

It was overcast this morning, the sky kinda drippy. I like it that way, especially when I'm working in the garden. The sun is just brutal most days and it gave me a rare chance to plant some seedlings without them being scorched by noon. My mind was wandering even though I was listening to a podcast and my mood felt a little cloudy. Lately when I fall into these moods, I try to be a grown up and pull myself out of it by centering and asking myself what I am grateful for at that exact moment...what will I look back on as my time here draws to a close and find beautiful and lovely and precious? The very first thing that popped into my head was, "I'm grateful to be alone." That kinda surprised me, even though it was my own thought. It felt selfish and a little psychopathic to be grateful for loneliness. And it reminded me of one of my favorite poems:

MY EYES SO SOFT

Don't
Surrender
Your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more
Deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so
Tender,

My need of God
Absolutely
Clear.

HAFIZ

I realized there in the garden that I really am grateful for all this loneliness and travel and dirty fingernails and food and time with my thoughts. I think back to a few months ago and I felt like I was doubled over with the aloneness and the weight of my own constantly crazy-making brain. I felt like I could barely stand up under the weight of everything and often just collapsed into a big ball of crying and feeling lost. Today I feel like my back is strong and straight. I feel sort of like myself again. I like my loneliness, only now it just feels like blessed solitude, the kind of perfect loneliness that I may never have again in my lifetime. I know how I love and I know that I want to have a partner and that circus of loving and compromising and happiness and anguish will inevitably start all over again sometime soon...and I don't want it to be right now. I am profoundly grateful to have no one but myself to worry over and grapple with. By myself I feel a cool quiet that I don't have with anyone else. This loneliness finally feels like a gift.

I Love Lilikoi

One of the many things I love about Honua Lani Gardens is that they are preparing to participate in a new farmer's market at the community college. This market specializes in value added products, and I've been working a lot in the kitchen to perfect some new recipes to preserve and sell all the lovely fruits and vegetables that are pouring out of the garden. Lots of time in the kitchen cooking delicious new treats...that's my idea of heaven on earth!

Here's my favorite so far, adapted from the French Laundry lemon tart recipe which I've been using for years and found on my favorite recipe site, Epicurious. Lilikoi is the Hawaiian word for passion fruit and it is nature's version of a sour skittle...sweet and sour and super fruity delicious. The skin is either yellow or purple, and inside it has bright orange pulp with big crunchy black seeds. You just cut it in half and scoop out all the wonderful goodness...kind of like nature's own perfect fruit cup. It has become one of my favorite fruits and, lucky me, you can find the vines growing on the side of the road all over the islands. The beautiful flowers are also a bonus. On the mainland, you will probably only be able to find passion fruit juice concentrate, which unfortunately won't really work for this recipe since it almost always comes pre-sweetened. Lemon or lime juice will work just fine instead, OR you could grown your own lilikoi vine...definitely easy to grow in moderate climates!


LILIKOI TARTLETS

Macnut Crust

• 1 cup macadamia nuts
• 1.5 cups all-purpose flour
• 8 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 1 egg, beaten

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Fill a cupcake pan with disposable cupcake liners. Grind the macnuts in a food processor, adding some of the flour as necessary, until finely ground. The macnuts are pretty oily and will stick to the blades without the flour. Mix the rest of the ingredients and the crushed macnuts in a large bowl. Press the mixture into the cupcake liners, making sure to generously fill each one; if the sides and bottom are too thin, the tarts will break easily. Bake 15-20 minutes, or until set and golden brown. Remove from oven to cool.

Lilikoi Sabayon

• 2 large eggs, cold
• 2 large egg yolks, cold
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup fresh lilikoi juice
• 6 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into 6 pieces

To prepare the lilikoi juice, halve about 5 or six fresh lilikoi and scoop the contents (pulp and seeds) into a blender or food processor. Blend for just a few seconds to release the juice from the pulp and seeds. If you blend for too long, the seeds will crush and bits of seed will be mixed in with the juice. Strain juice to remove the seeds and pulp and discard everything besides the juice.

Bring about 1 1/2 inches of water to a boil in a pot that is slightly smaller than the diameter of the bowl (or smaller pot) you will be using for the sabayon. Meanwhile, in a metal bowl (or smaller pot), whisk the eggs, yolks, and sugar for about 1 minute, or until the mixture is smooth.

Set the bowl over the pot and, using a large whisk, whip the mixture while you turn the bowl (for even heating). After about 2 minutes, when the eggs are foamy and have thickened, add one-third of the lilikoi juice. Continue to whisk vigorously and, when the mixture thickens again, add another one-third of the lilikoi juice. Whisk until the mixture thickens again, then add the remaining lilikoi juice. Continue whisking vigorously, still turning the bowl, until the mixture is thickened and light in color and the whisk leaves a trail in the bottom of the bowl. The total cooking time should be 8 to 10 minutes.

Turn off the heat and leave the bowl over the water. Whisk in the butter a piece at a time. The sabayon may loosen slightly, but it will thicken and set as it cools. Pour the warm sabayon into the macnut cups and allow to cool in the refrigerator. If you like, garnish with fresh or candied hibiscus flowers.

Notes:

• Normally this type of tart is quickly broiled to brown the top and set the custard. Since the cups are so small, I find that there is no need to set the custard any further. It reminds me of the inside of a rum ball and I like the contrasting textures of the crumbly crust and drippy custard.
  

• You will have a bit of sabayon custard left over after assembling the tartlets. It's very similar to lemon curd and makes a great spread for toast or crackers.
  

Beautiful Kauai

I really do love the WWOOF program. Maybe I've just had extremely good luck, but the places that I've found to stay on my trip to Hawaii have been both perfectly suited to what I need and completely magical. I landed on Kauai Friday afternoon, greeted by a green gem of an island. After all the lava of the Big Island, it felt like I was truly arriving in paradise for the first time. The tall mountains were green and angular, the dirt was bright red and the sky had fluffy white clouds hanging perfectly in the sky. The air smelled sweet as orange blossoms.

My new host drove us to her home in Kapaa and showed me around the lovely hilltop estate, a little bed and breakfast with beautiful ponds, flowers and fruit trees everywhere. She calls it Honualani Gardens, the gardens of heaven on earth. She introduced me to my new home, a cozy house in the valley, completely alone. Perfect. Her property is a five acre permaculture estate, brimming with mature tropical fruit trees. Around every corner there are breadfruit, cacao, lilikoi, avocado, lemon, starfruit, banana, noni and coconut. Breakfast always includes a huge smoothie with whatever is falling off the trees. Her raised bed garden was already full of asparagus, tomato and beautiful herbs. The ponds are filled with big water lily; red and black ducks run across the lily pads like something out of a cartoon. At night I can hear the frogs and night bugs singing me to sleep in the rain and can almost feel all the garden fairies.

My first weekend on the island we went to Princeville on the north shore to check out a farmer's market and visit the most amazing beach. Tunnels is a surf spot past Hanalei and it is quite possibly the most perfect beach that I've ever clapped eyes on. The white sand stretched for miles in either direction, perfectly soft and lovely. The water was the clearest, deepest teal. I swam down the coastline, looking up at the tall green mountains at the edge of the water. As I was paddling around, some huge sea turtles were playing the surf just feet away, their big flippers flapping as they tumbled around in the waves. I feel so calm and contented here. I think I'm finally starting to relax and realize that this is an extended vacation. It only took me five months to get here, but anxiety is finally a memory, not a constantly hovering threat.

My new host is also worth noting. Jai has owned the property for 27 years and is as magical as her land. Her bright blue eyes sparkled when she picked me up at the airport and cooed, "Aren't you cute? We're going to get along great!" Word. She is quirky to say the least. My first day here she ran my birth chart and told me all about the inner workings of my personality. My first morning she relayed her vision of us in the clouds at sunrise, how our cloud selves were regarding one another over a cloud heart...a good omen for my stay. Then she told me all about her invisible pet rainbow dragon and the fairies in the garden. I freaking love this woman! I wish I could describe how spunky and delightful she is. A good dose of fantasy and frolicking is exactly what I need and Jai is just the person to deliver it.

Preserving the Harvest

My last day at Hawaii Island Retreat was Thursday and five of the beds I planted were ready to harvest! I was so excited to see that much food after only two and half months. Most of what was ready was lettuce and greens. I brought in three wagon-fulls of arugula, bok choy, chard, mustard greens, Asian savoy, radishes, basil and romaine lettuce. In the kitchen we got creative about preserving all of it for the resort guests and staff. The first thing we made was a huge batch of pesto with the arugula and basil. It was super spicy, just the way I like it. Here's a rough approximation of the recipe:

Arugula Pesto

• 10 big bunches of arugula
• 5 big bunches of basil
• 3 cups of nuts (I used mac nuts and pecans)
• 2 heads of garlic
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 3 tablespoons salt
• 1 tablespoon agave syrup or sugar (to cut the bitterness of the greens)
• 1/2 cup lemon juice

Whirl the arugula and basil together with the olive oil in a food processor (you'll have to do batches with so many greens). Then process the nuts and mix the rest of the ingredients together in a bowl. You don't need to add the lemon juice, but you will have to freeze the pesto without it, otherwise it will turn brown in the fridge after a couple of days. The arugula definitely makes the pesto very spicy, so just use all basil if you prefer a sweeter dip.

We also had a ton of chard and Asian savoy and learned a great way to preserve them. Donna (a friend from Alaska) loaned her kale chip recipe, which I fell in love with. I ended up eating a whole tray of them, but we did manage to put some away for later.

Kale Chips

• 1 big bunch kale, spinach, chard or any other dark greens, chopped into chip sized pieces
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp chopped garlic (optional)
• 1 tbsp olive oil

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Rinse and chop the greens then toss in a big bowl with the other ingredients so that all the greens are evenly coated. Lay out in a thin layer on large baking sheet. Bake for about ten minutes, then take out and redistribute the chips on the baking sheet. Any clumps will not dry out properly. Bake until the chips are all crispy but not burnt (about 15 minutes).

The first batch of these didn't even have a chance to cool before we devoured them. Surprisingly they tasted really garlicy even without any seasoning, though you certainly could add any spices that you like. They reminded me a lot of nori and would be great with fish and rice.



The last way we preserved all that greenage was by making kimchi. I have to admit that I was a little confused by the whole process, but basically what you do is grate or chop all of your greens very fine, add in some radish, beets, apple, carrot and cabbage (or any combination of these), add a culture (a type of lactic acid bacteria) and allow the whole thing to ferment for a couple of days in a jar. The mixture will get really sour and tangy and then you add in your seasoning (citrus, peppers, garlic, etc.). I am not an expert, so I'll refer you to some of my favorite sites for more info:

• An entire website dedicated to Korean food with lots of recipes for kimchi
• Easy and great recipe from my favorite source, Epicurious
• Some great results from the awesome website Foodbuzz

It felt really satisfying to see the result of my time there, all neatly lined up in glass jars and ready to feed everyone while I'm away. The next morning I was off on a plane to Kauai for six weeks of a new adventure at a new garden!

Elly Extravaganza, Photo Montage

Elly finally sent over her pictures from the trip, so here's a little photo montage...

Delicious Kava Bar in Hawi

Three martini dinner

The super-low ceilings at the Inn at Volcano

Le machete montage...

Sea turtle at the black sand beach

Jackfruit and abiu at the entrance to the lava flow

Elly Extravaganza, Four Seasons

So remember that little pirouette that Elly's return plane ticket was doing? Well, it decided to surprise us all and take a flying leap to Thursday instead of Sunday. God knows how, but Elly came back to Hawi one afternoon with a boarding pass in her hand and told me she was leaving the day after tomorrow. And she had a plan. She wanted to go out in style and live it up big on her last night in Hawaii. She booked a posh room at the Four Seasons and we decided to lay around the pools and drink fancy cocktails all day with umbrellas. A little taste of the typical tourist vacay.

We were not disappointed by the Four Seasons. It had three gorgeous pools to choose from, a long white sand beach, deliciously comfy beds and leis waiting for us when we checked in. There was even a young man whose only job was to clean our sunglasses and ask if we'd like an Evian spritz to cool us down. We managed to pass an entire delightful day with playing gin rummy in the pool and trying to convince someone to light our drinks on fire (disappointingly there are regulations against such fun).


To Elly's delight, our room came with robes which worked perfectly as a holster for her new love--le machete.

And when I unpacked my things at the hotel, I found to my great delight that Cassandra was hiding in the depths of my luggage. I had lost her a few weeks before and was worried that my little orange companion was gone forever. A few nights before Elly and I had made a clay model in the hopes of luring her back to me. Sort of like a talisman or something. I even said some voodoo chants to bring her home.

Apparently, the talisman worked...it was an ecstatically joyful reunion. Really, I think she was just waiting for the right time to make her grand re-entrance. She showed up just in time for the Perrier-Jouët and sunset. I always knew she had a flare for the dramatic.

Elly Extravaganza, Kohala

Elly and I made it back to Hawi for a couple of days to regroup and check in on the garden. Everything came up so fast while I was gone and I realized how much I missed my little corner of paradise. She came to work with me one morning. She laughed while I got butt checked by the goat I was milking and was a great sport when we did some dumpster diving for cardboard to suffocate the perpetual weeds.

After garden duty, I got to show her one of the most beautiful spots on the island--Pololu. It's at the end of the road in Kohala and is the beginning of the stunning Waipio Valley, actually a series of deep gorges that run into the ocean. The towns in the valley were wiped out in an earthquake in the 80's and since then it has just grown back into jungle. We drove to end of the road, shared a bottle of champagne and took in the vista of the black sand beach below.

I love that my new office is a garden and my uniform is suspenders and sandals.