Frustration. I was scheduled to stay in La Caunette making cheese for the whole month, but it seems that the fluffy, jovial, drunken god that rules my life is trying to teach me a lesson about the best laid plans. I need to let go. I need to be flexible. I need to stop being so attached to my expectations. (God, I sound like I've joined the Oprah book club...) I also need to get a better grip on the nuances of living in a foreign culture. My mantra for the last year has been this:
Let go
Let go
Let go
Let go
Let go
I still have not let go. But I'm getting better. And I'm getting slightly better at understanding the mind of average French person.
Yesterday my host, Bob Dylan's French cousin, told me that she would not be needing my help for the rest of the month. I could say that it's unfair that she was upset that I didn't help her as much as she thought I should....on the weekend...while I was in bed sick with a horrible cold. I could complain about the lack of instruction and hospitality. But instead I'm taking the lesson that I need to better at communicating my expectations and perspective, and that I'm trying my best to be graceful and kind and helpful even though I am severely frustrated. I am leaving today to go back to Aix-en-Provence with Elly to regroup. And buying a plane ticket back to California, because the cheese in my beautiful home state is pretty damn good too.
Whoa, Jenny, strange turn of events, but it sounds like the French Bob Dylan is a bit too much to handle. I lived with you for around 2 years, and you were always generous, helpful, and really fun. She doesn't know what she's missing. I'm glad you're learning to let though; I'm also in that lesson boat. Yoga in between rock climbing routes probably helps me the most. That and having great friends like Julius sending homebrewed beer across the Pacific. but for now, it's "Jenny, Jenny, going, going, back, back to Cali, Cali!" holla!
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